Shelly Beach Shares Help and Hope for the Caregiving Journey on FamilyLife Today

The date for the on air interview has passed, but you can click here to read the transcript.

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 Please tune in to Family Life Today

with Dennis Rainey and Bob Lepine
to hear their interview with caregiving author,
Shelly Beach.

Shelly spent several hours with Dennis Rainey &
Bob Lepine, talking about caregiving and her book,

Ambushed by Grace:
Help & Hope on the Caregiving Journey

Be sure to listen in to this important interview.

 AIR DATES:

begins TODAY!

June 22, 23 & 24

To download and listen to the program, click here: http://bit.ly/c7isKQ 

For local RADIO listings, visit your favorite radio station website and check out their program guide.

For more information about Shelly’s caregiving books, please visit

www.dhp.org
(where you can also read a sample chapter) or www.ShellyBeachOnline.com

Parenting & Caregiving

I asked Shelly Beach, author of Ambushed by Grace: Help & Hope on the Caregiving Journey, some questions about her experiences as a child growing up with caregiving parents, as well as her own experience raising children while being a caregiver. 

1) What kind of memories do you have of the years of your childhood when your parents took care of their parents?

My memories of caring for my mother’s mother are a bit less clear because I was quite young when she died, but I remember that my mom loved to make sure Grandma Stewart always had her favorite bran muffins, bananas, and other healthy foods. Grandma Stewart tried to eat a healthy diet far before most people knew what a healthy diet meant, even during the years that her health declined and Alzheimer’s set in.

My mom was devoted to her mother, who lived on one side of a duplex that belonged to my aunt and uncle. Mom and Dad made frequent visits to Grandma’s house, and I thought it was amazing to be able to walk through a back hallway in Grandma’s dining room and come out in my aunt and uncle’s kitchen.

As my Grandma Stewart’s Alzheimer’s progressed, my family eventually moved her to a private home in the country where a family took care of several people with what was referred to as “hardening of the arteries” at the time. I do remember sensing how hard it was for my mother to visit my grandmother there on our weekend visits.

My Grandma Burke lived well into her nineties, and I loved going to visit her. She always gave me a bit of money to take to the dime store across the street so I could buy candy, and she made the greatest sugar cookies and frosted cinnamon rolls in the world. She spoke limited English, and I was very proud of the fact that I understood and could speak a bit of Swedish.

But when I was about thirteen, Grandma broke her hip, and it became obvious that she could no longer live on her own. My parents moved her into our home and into my bedroom. She lived with us for a year or so before she contracted pneumonia and was transferred to a nursing facility, where she passed away.

I remember that my mom and dad seemed unified in the decisions they made on behalf of my grandmothers. Even though moving Grandma Burke into our home would mean transitions for our family, we were family, and we were going to pull together to make it work.

2) What kind of lessons did you learn from these experiences that helped you with your own children while you were giving care to your parents and father-in-law?

My parents taught me the importance of honoring your loved ones, and yet showing me that no two caregiving situations are the same. The circumstances of Grandma Stewart’s Alzheimer’s in her later years prevented her from living in our home. But we were able to care for Grandma Burke for a time until her health degenerated to a point where we were no longer able to meet her needs.

I grew up with a fear that Grandma Burke would die during the night and I would wake up to find her lifeless beside me. So I understood my son’s fear of his grandparents dying in his home, particularly while he might be there alone with them. I tried to educate my children about the realities of their grandparents’ illnesses and to give them opportunities to talk about the frustrations of living as three generations under one roof in a caregiving environment.

I also encouraged my children to pursue activities and relationships outside our home. My father-in-law, Norman’s illness limited our social life severely, and I wanted my kids to feel like they still had social lives. So I encouraged Jessica and Nathan to see their friends and become involved in the community beyond the walls of our house. If they’d been younger, I may have even taken them for biblical counseling. It’s very difficult to watch a loved one progress toward death as a part of your daily life.

3) What was something wonderful you learned by watching your parents care for their parents?

My parents taught me faithfulness that flows from a willing heart. I don’t remember ever seeing a begrudging spirit about their caregiving roles. I don’t remember attitudes that communicated “giving up” anything to care for our loved ones. They modeled Jesus’ heart of love and generosity, and it was an enormous blessing to me.

4) What advice would you give to parents who are considering or are in the midst of caring for adult dependents?

First of all, evaluate the resources you already have in place to assist you in the task-your home environment, community resources, family assistance, financial resources, medical and legal assistance, respite services-and then move toward a comprehensive plan that fills in the gaps. Have you settled the issue of Durable Power of Attorney? Has a medical directive been completed? What living environment is the best for your loved one, both for the short-term and long-term? Have you consulted the local Area Agency on Aging in the community where your loved one lives to seek out services and recommendations?

Secondly, surround yourself with those in the caregiving community who can support you. Search out Internet resources such as the Family Caregiver Alliance and the National Alliance for Caregiving (www.caregiver.org), Children of Aging Parents (www.caps4caregivers.org) or Faith in Action (www.fiavolunteers.org).

Third, plant yourself firmly in a strong church community that can support and embrace you in the task of caregiving. Allow the Body of Christ to be the body-extending assistance to you through practical support. When people ask you how they can help, have a list of suggestions ready, divided into practical areas:  meals, home maintenance, vehicle maintenance, rest and respite. Caregivers need the blessing of borrowed hot tubs for occasional long soaks or the assurance of knowing their lawns will get mowed, in spite of weekly doctors’ appointments, work, family, and the emotional toll of care. Caregivers also need regular care and feeding from the Word in order to keep their eyes fixed on the promises of God that can sometimes be diminished by the painful realities of caregiving. The embrace of church family is crucial to caregivers, who often feel isolated and alone.

But going to church and leaning on others can never replace our own time in the Word and in prayer. As much as possible, make time to meditate on the Bible, to pray, and to allow God to speak to you through Scripture, even if you only have time to bite off small nibbles at a time. The Holy Spirit will use every bit of God’s Word that we take in to strengthen us for the work he has for us to do.

Shelly Beach is the author of Ambushed by Grace: Help & Hope on the Caregiving Journey, as well as a Precious, Lord, Take My Hand. In Ambushed by Grace, Shelly shares the secrets of what it takes to handle everything from the simple to the complex, the emotional to the practical, and the spiritual to the physical concerns of caregiving. She grew up with her parents giving care to their parents. She also has spent the last eight years caring for her father-in-law and her own parents.

For more information, please go to www.dhp.org or www.shellybeachonline.wordpress.com.

Next Monday…

Be watching for an interview with Shelly Beach on the challenges of caregiving while
raising a family.

Caregiving: Are you equipped to care?

Did you know:

• Nearly one out of every four U.S. households (23% or 22.4 million households) is involved in caregiving to persons aged 50 or over?¹
• Nearly 100 million Americans have one or more chronic conditions?²
• One recent national survey found the average caregiver of a loved one 50 years and older to be 46 years of age?³

No one truly understands what a caregiver faces except another caregiver. It takes walking in the caregiving shoes to understand it is not just taking someone into your home that is difficult; it is giving out 24/7 for an unknown period of time. When a child is young, parents look forward to an age when the child will learn to do things on his or her own. It is just the opposite for the elderly. When a person gets older, it is often only a matter of time before slowly you must do more and more for them.

When I was in junior high, my grandmother came to live with us. I was excited for the chance to get to know her (we lived hours or days away from her home in San Diego for most of my life). The novelty of having her live with us diminished as she slowly began to decline. I remember helping her shower, hearing her repeat the same stories (without being able to coax her on to new ones), being blamed for things she had imagined happened but had not; understanding the semi-claustrophobic feeling my mother felt at not being able to do laundry without my grandmother coming out to repeat the same phrases over and over. Looking back, I truly wish I could have done more for my grandma. At the time, especially for those like my parents with the full burden, having a resource like what Shelly Beach shares would have been priceless.

Shelly Beach is the author of Ambushed by Grace: Help & Hope on the Caregiving Journey, as well as a Precious, Lord, Take My Hand. In Ambushed by Grace, Shelly shares the secrets of what it takes to handle everything from the simple to the complex, the emotional to the practical, and the spiritual to the physical concerns of caregiving. She grew up with her parents giving care to their parents. She also has spent the last eight years caring for her father-in-law and her own parents.

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¹Ernest, R.L. & Hay, J.W. (1994). The U.S. Economic and Social Costs of Alzheimer’s Disease Revisited. American Journal of Public Health, 84(8):1261-1264.

²Shultz, R., O’Brien, A.T., Bookwala, J. & Fleissner, K. (1995). Psychiatric and Physical Morbidity Effects of Dementia Caregiving: Prevalence, Correlates, and Causes. The Gerontologist, 35:771-791. As cited in G. Small, et al. (1997). Diagnosis and Treatment of Alzheimer Disease and Related Disorders. Journal of the American Medical Association, 278(16):1363-1371.

³Ernest, R.L. & Hay, J.W. (1994). The U.S. Economic and Social Costs of Alzheimer’s Disease Revisited. American Journal of Public Health, 84(8):1261-1264.